Family coming and old Favorite Thing post

The Watkins are coming tomorrow!!!!! They're trip will be almost 2 weeks and they'll be in Oregon with Laura's family for a week and with us about that long too. We are going to be able to celebrate 3 of our kids birthday's together and Easter. We have celebrated Easter with them for the last 8 years!

In honor of their visit I remembered a post I wrote in December that I never had time to post. It is #7 in my list of Favorite Things. I won't post the whole thing here but I did want to showcase the awesome picture Lee drew and painted for us before we left. The picture does not do justice to amazing it is!

This picture was Lee's gift to our family. It is full of all the things special about our life here in Maplewood...the ECC, The Post, the train, Rocket Ship park, and even the arch way in the back.

This gift is priceless. We love it!

-----old post here-------
We love our Maplewood too. This is how a normal weekday could look like: Walk the kids to the end of our street, play "Crush the Castle" on the steps of the church while we wait for the bus. Drive 10 minutes to drop off Gray and Annabelle at preschool. Stop at any number of coffee shops or run errands at the plethora of stores that are all 10 minutes from my house. We are 10-15 minutes from every neighborhood. I love how central we are.

After school, kids ride bikes while I sit on front porch with the neighbors. When Brian gets home he might walk to the church parking lot at the end of the street, otherwise known as the "Skate Park." The kids love to ride fast in the big open area.

Or if it is Wednesday, we might walk (the kids ride their bikes) to Schlafly to visit the weekly Farmer's Market. The kids plan to get cookies and we get a beer and sit outside listening to live music.

Or, we might decide to eat in the backyard. I'll yell from my back porch to Kristie next door and see if her family wants to bring their dinner over. The Watkins will come out and the kids run crazy in our humongous back yard.

On the weekend, we might walk up to Foundation Grounds. The kids bring their backpacks with books and colors and we might actually get a few minutes of quiet reading in.
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Fun to look back and remember

Favorite Thing #6

The Sound of the Watkins screen door

This is a difficult post to write. I have been putting it off. It is impossible to describe the incredible gift it has been to share a house with my cousin Lee, his wife Laura, and their 3 incredible children. We have gotten 5 years of sharing life together and I think it is a little of what heaven will be like.

It hasn't always been perfect. We have conflicted. But that is part of what has made it so wonderful. I did not grow up with siblings so I did not have that relationship that provides some safe conflict. Laura has been that sister for me. We have learned how to be honest with each other, not hide our hurts, forgive each other, be gracious, and be angry. Laura has seen ugly sides of me that only family has seen and she still loves me.

We have shared all three pregnancies together (two in this house). When Grayson had colic and I thought I was going to loose my mind, she would take him and walk him around even though she also had a newborn. She would text me in the middle of the night knowing we were both up with the babies. When we would walk the neighborhood while pregnant, sit by the kiddie pool in the driveway, and pass the older kids between the houses.

The adult friendship we have with Lee and Laura has brought such joy to our days. They have been wonderful examples and models to us of patient parenting. They are available for all kinds of favors. They are instant friends if you want someone to walk with, build a fire in the backyard, watch a movie with, drink a beer with, share a meal with, pray with, etc.

The friendship among our kids is not comparable. This is when I have trouble typing. I have known my husband to cry only a handful of times in his lifetime. I'm not sure I've ever seen the tears fully come down his face until the last two weeks. All four of us have cried when we think about this loss for our kids.

Currently, Tyler and Casey are probably playing with each other on the school playground as they find each other almost everyday at recess. They ride the bus together and still want to spend everyday with each other after school. When Tyler has something exciting, the first person he wants to share it with is Casey. They share the same love of Plants vs. Zombies, Angry Birds, Star Wars, Legos, Pokemons, Hero Factories, etc. They have plans to be inventors when they grow up and are always making crazy plans.

Any knowledge Annabelle has of girly things come from Abi and Emma. Her favorite person in the world is Auntie Laura. Grayson has such a soft spot for Uncle Lee and thinks he is the funniest person on earth. Abi Mae and I have a very special bond over all things fancy and special.

More than half the days of the week, our children are in each other's houses. Not only is it such a help to us, the kids love it. I don't know how I would have survived the last 5 years of young kids without them downstairs.

There is still so much more to be said. I don't feel like words can give ample explanation to the awesomeness that is sharing a house with the Watkins. I guess that is why I pick the sound of their front door. Its loud and The Landlord needs to oil it, proving they are very gracious to our limits. It opens frequently for the students they love on and neighbors they welcome. When it opens I am reminded of life outside of myself, that I am not alone, that there is always someone who loves me close by.

The Watkins family just left my mom's house tonight after sharing Christmas leftovers and showing off presents. It is just so normal to be together. The blessing is they are family and while our relationship changes it will never end. That is great comfort tonight.

good-bye memories

I do not have the energy or time to give deserved attention to all the good-byes we've gotten to have over the last few weeks. Here are pics of some of them...

Our friends hosted a going away party at Llewelyn's Pub last week. I wasn't sure I would enjoy it knowing it was a "last." But it was a ton of fun. It went way too fast and I didn't get to talk to everyone near as much as I wanted, but it was a great way to at least look people in the face and hug their necks.


These three girls pictured below were women I worked with while I was pregnant with Tyler. We all had our babies within weeks of each other. We have stayed close all these years later and I would be a different mom without them. We got to have one last "girls night in" where we share our lives and stay up way later than we want to. They gave me this picture framed (this is a picture of a picture so it is blurry). Most of you know I did not have pretty pregnancies. I let the girls know they are good enough friends they really should have let me know I had no business wearing a halter top.


I have been blessed with wonderful girlfriends. We have had dinners with friends and our last two house groups. Many celebrations with the Watkins (this is another long post that will come soon). I had other girls nights, coffees and dinners that I will always remember.

This Saturday, the Jani5 had a "St. Louis Day." The kids decided what they wanted to do for our last outing in St. Louis. We ended up at the Science Center, lunch at Llewelyn's in the Central West End (Brian and mine's very first favorite restaurant), and then the Chesterfield mall for the bungee trampoline and carousel. We came home and had a boys night and girls night. Annabelle and I went downstairs to the Watkins for a night of crafts, nail painting, dressing-up, and dancing.

The boys had friends come and spend the night. There was wrestling, farting, burping, mooning, yelling, chasing, and video games. It was shocking to me how much it felt like a group of junior high boys. It was redeemed at night when they snuggled in their sleeping bags and listened to a story (most of them still with snuggables to sleep with) and wanted to be tucked in. In the picture below they are trying to wrestle me down from getting across the living room. Four of them tried and I still made it. Hah! That's what you get for calling your mom weak!


On Sunday night, before the movers came to pack up the house, we had a casual dinner with our friends that have lived all parts of our life with us for the last 7-10 years. It was wonderful! I was tempted to cancel because I was feeling like I needed to get more organized before they movers packed things and I would never know where to find something when we got to our new house. I was especially concerned about all the toys in the playroom. I was quickly swayed when Brian reminded me how much this meant to us. Here is a picture of how the play room looked at the end of the night:

It was totally worth it!!

We all prayed together (kids and all). The adults were even able to crowd in and sit at one table together to share a meal (thank you X-box Kinnect). I will never regret that I spent more time with people than filing away that box of papers or finding that Barbie shoe. I will try to remind myself of that when that box of papers is still in my office a year from now.

As I am reflecting now I realize this is celebrating life as its given.

Thank you Lord that you graciously allowed me to embrace this painful season. I have been tempted many times to withdraw and leave without experiencing the pain of good-byes. I have been tempted to prioritize control over relationship. You have allowed me to be able to leave with a full heart.

The boxes are packed

I am sitting in my leather chair by the window in my bedroom for the last time. This is another one of my favorite spots in my house. Today, however, I am surrounded by boxes. The movers will be here any minute.

I can't go back now. Many times in this process I've wondered if we could cancel the whole thing and change our minds. That is not going to happen. I am really leaving. I am really saying good-bye.

The last few weeks have been a blessing. I feel like I have gotten to really say good-bye. My biggest prayer was for time to give closure and value to my friendships. I am so thankful not to have been so busy to miss out on those memories. I am sure they will carry me through the next challenging months.

not one of my favorite things

The for sale sign went in the yard yesterday and the movers are here today packing up. I will say I am extremely thankful to have Microsoft paying for our house to be packed. Yet, while I am thankful, it feels very surreal.

I can be a control freak at times and I have found myself hovering over the packers this morning. I want to know what is in each box, how they wrapped it, where the box is going to go in the new house. I'm sure I've been annoying.

So, now I am upstairs warming up and I don't think I'm going to go back to the basement. Most everything will get to Seattle. Some things will be broken. Some things will be missing. Some of the Watkins stuff will probably end up going with us. Some of our stuff will probably get left behind. My new house will be crazy and unorganized for a long time no matter how I color code the boxes. I can choose to relinquish control.

I am only surviving this whole transition because I have to keep letting go of my control (or pointless pursuit of it).

Now...to figure out what to do with unexpected time this morning.

Favorite Thing #3

The Farells

Last night we went to Joe and Carol Farells house for Ribs. My children know the Farells as the house with the Ribs. This started from a night two summers ago when we sat out on the Farells' gorgeous back patio and my kids put down an impressive amount of ribs. We were all a little amazed.

We have known the Farells since we started at Riverside Church 10 years ago. I taught the preschool Sunday class with them every Sunday for a couple of years. We co-led a house group with them for a couple of years. Joe and Brian have served together as Elders of our church for over six years, Carol and I used to be in a morning Bible study together, and Brian and Carol served closely on the pastoral search committee together. We are just a few years older than their kids but we view them as great friends.

When you first meet Joe, with his deep ominous voice, you might get the impression he is this big tough guy with a hard shell. He is really just a big softy. He always greets me with a "hi sweetie," bear hug, and often a kiss on the head.

Carol has the gift of organization, hospitality, service and humor. When we were in Bible study together, we laughed at her discomfort with questions that dug deep in the heart and now she will walk boldly into conflict or discomfort if it will bring God glory and show someone love. About three years ago I sat down next to Carol at a Women's Retreat and she could tell that I was not myself, I was at a low point. Something happened in Carol's heart and it was as if she just made a decision that it was her job to care for me.

I distinctly remember that time because, since then, I have never felt so pursued by someone as I have by Carol. When our family entered into the GAPS protocol, therefore restricting our diets and increasing the amount of time in the kitchen by 6 times, she walked closely beside us. She cooked for us monthly, researched new recipes and adapted them for us, and helped others figure out how to cook for us.

One day at Church, she came up and declared that she wanted my children to really know her. She made up her mind that she would make sure my kids knew her and felt safe with her. She and Joe then started having us over for dinner once a month. This was so huge at the time because most people were so afraid of our restricted diet that we were rarely invited for dinner.

Very quickly, my kids began to look forward to nights at the Farells'...we all did. It is easy to feel treated in their home. Last night was no exception. The fire was burning high, Christmas music was playing, we had wine poured for us before we sat at the kitchen bar, the kids had games and blocks spread out on the kitchen floor, and we all felt at home.

As we sat at the table finishing our meal, Tyler asks Mr. Farell if he can sit in his lap. Brian and I look at each other, a little surprised that Tyler would be that affectionate. Joe, is delighted and then Tyler asks if he'll cuddle with him. The big teddy bear cries. We all do. Tyler understands this is the last time we will be at their house. I understand what it means for kids to be known and pursued by adults other than their family. They feel welcomed, safe, and loved.

Thank you Joe and Carol. Thank you for realizing the power, influence and impact you can have in other's lives. Thank you for deciding to love and pursue our family. My kids will have a greater chance of believing that they are valuable, worthy, and special because they have been viewed that way by you.

We love you!

Favorite Thing #5

My Bedroom

Ohh, I love to be in bed!!! This is the view I have while I'm lying in bed. My dream morning would be to wake up slowly and stay in bed, going in and out of sleep, for another hour, then drink coffee and watch a movie.

The light is amazing in our room (thanks to my brilliant husband who kept the ceiling open so light flows everywhere).

It is so hard to get out of my bed when the light is coming in and the window behind our bed is open. The breeze comes through and when its cold outside I love burrowing down under my covers.

This is the view when I lie on my back. Many of great ideas have been born and problems have been solved while I stare at the angles in our room.

Many weekend mornings I listen as Brian tells the kids over and over to be more quiet cuz mommy is sleeping. I laugh. They have no ability to be quiet.

On school mornings the boys come wake me up and jump in bed for morning snuggles. It took a lot of prayer and by the grace of God I now greet them with open arms in the mornings when they wake me up. Hopefully they won't remember those years when I was sleep deprived and grumpy every morning. I've given up on the idea that they will ever have memories of mommy up before them.

Some afternoons, Annabelle and I nap together. It always takes her a long time to sleep as she looks out the window and talks about the trees and birds.

We have the prettiest Bradford Pear right outside the window. It looks awesome in the fall and even better in the spring full of white flowers.

My most precious memories are of nursing Grayson and Annabelle in the mornings in bed. On a good day when we could stay in bed for a while, I would hug them and never wanted to let go. Hard giggles would bid me to keep tickling and rolling on the bed.

It is hard to think of living in a house where I haven't had babies. It is hard to think of never returning to the house where I had babies. It solidifies that I no longer have any babies. It really did go so fast.